Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby, Sunday Moods, Uncategorized

#MyDailyChallenges2017- Beginning of My NEW YEAR

2016 just went like whoosh!! Most of the people have been saying it and there are many who say that this year was not a good one.

I was going through my Facebook news-feed and there are a lot of memes on 2016 as it is about to end. People were not quite happy with this year. Doesn’t this happen every year?

I want to be on the side where at the end of 2017 I would say this year I did new things and there were good moments that made me learn and made me happy.

Here is the plan-

I don’t want to wait for 2017 to treat me like a princess. I want to create moments that will be remembered with a smile.

I will be spending my first month of the year doing things that I will call as challenges. One challenge a day. These will be things that I have forgotten or I am scared to do or things that I should do to step out of my “everyday mum-life bubble”. I want to start this new year with fun and learning. I want to make a conscious effort in January 2017 to take a step out of my comfort zone and live those 30 days in a way that every night when I sleep I should be satisfied that I am a step ahead than I was the day before.

I want you all to join me in this journey and follow me everyday from January 1, 2017 on

Instagram

Twitter

It would be fun if you also take up challenges and post pictures with hashtag #MyDailyChallenges2017 . It is not necessary to do it for 30 days. You can choose to do it for a day, a week, five days or whatever you wish for 🙂 That’s the best part- you chose what you want to learn or which fear you want to overcome. You can repeat my challenges or create your own. It would be more interesting if you suggest some challenges in the comments below. Inspire more women to try something new this year. Let’s start this year with excitement and let’s connect over it.

Just take out time from your busy routine to do one thing in a day that will create memories for you 🙂

Let’s take up the challenges Ladies!! Wish You a Happy New Year 🙂

P.S- This initiative is purely mine and not connected to any organization.

People say children are the purest of souls. I guess that is why they find another pure soul so easily.

My one year old says “Hi” and “Bye” to every animal he meets on his way but studies and observes a human first, before greeting or saying “Bye”, that too when told to do so.

Understanding of a child is better than us, adults.

 

#AnimalsOverHumans #PureSouls

Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby, Uncategorized

#TrueStory -Are you Killing Your Child’s Self Confidence? Realize It Before It’s Too Late

This incident happened today evening in front of me when I took my child to play in the kids’ park and it disheartened me.

I am using the actual dialogues in Hindi, translated in English later, so you can imagine the tone this lady was talking in.

I take my child to play every evening in a park which has many slides, swings and see-saws. He loves to run around and slide. He is still learning to maintain his balance on the swings and hold himself firmly. He pointed towards the swing and made sounds to make me understand. I took him there and was waiting for our turn. On one swing was a little girl swinging very happily and she was around the same age as my son. On the other swing was a mother holding a school bag on her shoulder, helping her daughter sit on the swing who was in her school uniform. I saw her trying again and again but the girl was not able to sit, she slipped. The girl must be around 8 years old. I went to her and offered some help. I held the swing tightly with one hand with my son in the other arm so it doesn’t move for the girl to sit comfortably. She still couldn’t sit. I understood from the little girl’s expression that the girl might not have used such a swing earlier so she couldn’t figure out how to sit on such a small surface that had no back-rest to it. Her mother said, “Sit the way you sit on a chair by folding you legs a little.” The girl tried, but still couldn’t sit. This continued for good 5-7 minutes.

Suddenly her mother started getting irritated by this and cried at her, “Ye dekh itni chhoti si bachchi baith sakti hai side wale jhule pe tujhse nai baitha ja ra?! ( Look this little girl beside you, she is sitting so comfortably and you are not able to sit on this swing!)”  The little girl felt a little ashamed. She looked down and refused to sit on the swing then. I didn’t like what happened there so I asked the little girl politely to try again and said, “Aap kar loge, itna pareshan nai ho, apko ispe jhulna hai na toh baithna bhi seelkh jaoge. (You can do it, don’t stress over it, you want to swing on this so you will eventually learn to sit on it too.)”  Her mother and I tried again to make her sit. Again she couldn’t sit. While helping her child the mother started getting angry on her for not being able to sit on a swing. She started blabbering words to her. The little girl by now was feeling ashamed of herself for not being able to do such a simple thing. I could also see the fear of her mother in her eyes.

I could notice the lump in her throat, also the tears that her eyes were holding back so strongly. Before she could cry I said,” Arre aise kyu chhod diya apne, sab kuch ek baar mein thode hi seekh jata hai koi, dhire dhire try karoge toh seekh jaoge, chalo hum firse try karenge.( Why did you stop trying? Nobody learns everything in one go, you will learn it slowly, it’s OK, let’s try again.)”  And her mother didn’t leave another chance to make her feel worse about it. She called another girl, little younger to her daughter and told her to show how to sit. That girl who must be using that slide everyday jumped on it within a fraction of second. The lady started again, “Dekha kitna asaan hai ye, aur terese ho nai ra hai, ab tu bolna mat mujhe garden leke chalne ko, ek jhule pe toh baitha nai ja ra hai tujhse! (See how easy it is and you are not able to do it. Now don’t ask me to get you here in the garden, you cant even sit on a simple swing!)” And the tears couldn’t be held any longer. The little girl started crying. Trust me it was not a normal crying like generally children do. I know this because at few events in my life I have done the same as a child( my parents never did what this lady was doing but there were other reasons for it). I could see myself in her. I could understand that child by her tears as once I was like her- shy, no self-confidence, ashamed of making my parents feel embarrassed because of me and such low esteem stuff. I saw anger for herself in her eyes and face. I know what she was thinking. She was really cursing herself for not doing such an easy task. Her hands froze but eyes still wet and teary, she went away from her mother and kept crying loudly. I ran after her with my baby in my arms, but her mother stood there.

I was trying to calm the girl but she was not ready to come to me as well as she was shamed in front of me too and I was a stranger for her who might also be thinking her as a loser. I asked her to stop crying as it was perfectly fine to not be able to do a thing at once. I told her it’s fine if she doesn’t want to swing now, nobody will ask her to. I asked her to come to me as I wanted to hug her and tell her that she is still a very smart girl and she will learn sitting on that swing if she wanted to. She ran to her mother and the lady pulled her towards the swing. ” Ab bol tu mujhe roz yahan aane ko, garden jana hai garden jana hai karti rehti hai roz, le ayi tujhe yahan, ek jhule pe nai baith sakti tu. Ruk tu ghar chal fir batati hun. Baith na ab ispe…baith…ab kyu nai baith rahi??( Now you dare ask me to come here again. Everyday you irritate me to take you to this garden, I got you here today and you can’t even sit on this swing. Wait and watch after we reach home. Sit on it now…why don’t you sit now…huh??)” This was a shocker to me!! She actually pulled her daughter while saying all this and forcefully started throwing her on the swing to sit. I immediately stopped her. I told her this is not the way to talk to your child and this is nothing to get so angry at, she will learn it. The lady didn’t reply and pulled her daughter to come home with her and again kept mumbling sentences that couldn’t be heard but expressions told that it all continued. The lady kept walking ahead and the poor little girl kept crying loudly running after the mother.

This disturbed me so much. I don’t know what that lady would have after they reached home- would she hit her?? or not talk to her till the girl cries and begs her to talk to her?? or not serve her food?? or tell this to her father who might be worse that the mother??

Maybe I was overthinking and that incident might have ended there itself. I am not the kind of person who would judge anyone by just one act of a person so I don’t know whether that lady was already in a bad mood so reacted this way or maybe she is really what she showed there. Whatever it was I can only conclude one thing from it – IT WAS WRONG!!

First of all the lady made the girl feel ashamed by comparing her to a one year old baby girl who was swinging beside her. Like really!! You just can’t compare anyone in this world on any basis! No one even has same type and same caliber people in one home then how can one compare two different kids who live in different backgrounds!! Parents don’t have their children like them then how can a child be like another child.

If a child is not able to do something that you and others consider as “simple” doesn’t mean it is actually simple for that child. You don’t know the struggles in a child’s head who is judged by his/her own parents everyday.

If any one of you does such a thing(even if not to this extent or even once in a while without realizing) , Please stop it. I know such things are very common in many homes and parents shout at kids for every small thing and keep them scared always but think about that baby you held for the first time, its the same one you are talking to now. Kids are delicate and they need to be handled with lots of love and care.

Children are not our property but we are just there to nurture them and protect them and not control their lives to such an extent that the child feels suffocated. Realize this now, before your child loses his/her self-confidence completely.

Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby, Uncategorized

Dilemma Of Priorities

As I sit to write this article there is one thought that is crossing my mind again and again- “Should I use this time to sleep instead?”

This is when my baby is asleep. There is a whole list of things to be done after the baby is sleeping but what should I do first??

I guess every mom goes through this dilemma.

Should I do the dishes first? (But what if the baby wakes up from the noise! But it is necessary to do them first! No I cant afford to wake him up now…let me take it up last.)

Should I clean my room? (Yes I can do that. But that can be done when he is awake as well so why waste this precious time on it.)

I had to clean my bookshelf. (It hasn’t been cleaned for few days now. Yes lets do that first! 🙂 Hmm…but think of other work too what if I am missing out on something more important!)

I have to put the clothes out for drying. ( Yes that’s what I’ll do first.)

Now what??

Should I just relax today and not do anything! ( I am working all the time I need my time too)

Or should I finish the book I started 10 days back but didn’t get time to finish? (But you have the house lying as a mess how can you think of reading a book right now!……But I need my ME time..)

Just sleep and don’t do anything!! As I am becoming more cranky than my baby because of less sleep. ( I am sleep deprived dear…I should sleep even for half an hour….but sleeping for only half an hour will make my head heavy!!)

And I chose to write about my mind-fight instead of doing any of the work.

I guess I should go back to prioritizing my stuff before the little ninja wakes up.

Wish you more happy moments of a sleeping baby to all Moms 😛

Posted in life/love, Uncategorized

And They Say Women Are Physically Weak! Get Your Facts Straight World!

Here I will not be talking about any Olympic Winners, Weight Lifters or some Stunt Ladies, I will be talking about YOU and ME.

There is a lot of debate on Women in general, how strong they are or what rights they deserve or they should be treated equal. These discussions and arguments will never end. A common woman who can be a housemaid, a home maker, a mother, a daughter-in-law, a mother-in-law, a working woman or a daughter, all have one thing in common- they don’t believe they are strong enough, be it physically or emotionally.

It is a fact that women are emotionally very strong. I don’t want to compare to men in any sort as this is not an article on men vs. women. I am writing this to make everyone realize that there has been this wrong “fact” hovering around since centuries that women are physically weak. After reading this article I want you all to feel proud of yourself and never ever think that you are weak in any way. It is just a psychological issue and this has been fed in our minds that we are the physically weaker sex.

A girl first starts with her periods before even entering her teen sometimes. A girl who never knew what pain was now has the worst cramps every month of the year for 3-4 days at a stretch. Cramps that don’t let her sit or walk or even sleep. The back and thigh pain that make her feel weakness all over her body. This is a truth that she lives with most of her life after that. She can’t take leaves for five days every month from school/college/office so works even in pain. Oh! don’t forget the smiling face that won’t let anyone know she is on her periods, thanks to the “taboo”. I guess still the body of a woman is considered weak. Ah! It’s the uterus playing all the game, nobody cares about that organ. So women don’t think it counts as being strong to bear that pain.

 

A woman conceives and she feels all sort of weird things happening in her body at the same time. She still goes to work. Headaches, nausea are just an introduction to what all happens, still the work and home has to be taken care of. Every month a new symptom to remind that you are pregnant. The whole body goes through a transition, as months pass the weight of the baby inside increases and the woman is carrying that 6-8 pounds baby inside her plus the extra weight that her body has gained to sustain the new life. If you don’t think that her body is strong then you don’t realize what “strong” means.

Then comes the last stage of pregnancy “The Labor”. Pushing out a whole new human being out of the vagina, you think that’s a joke. Even if C-section is done, it has its own problems along with it. Body of a woman manufactures a human and then pushes it out leaving the woman exhausted as hell, her vagina torn apart. That’s what a strong body can do people. Stop sympathizing with women. Girls and ladies please stop considering yourself and others of your own sex as fragile. Women you have the strength to give life to a new being.

Oh here comes the next stage of proving our power- Breastfeeding Pain. Oh it seems so perfect a mother feeding a little child. A beautiful sight to look at but a painful one for the mother. Of course she loves doing it as it makes her bond with her child. But a new born child feeds after every half an hour or one hour and the feeding may continue for one hour straight(depends upon the mood of the little one). And that, believe me,  is painful. Some women even bleed after feeding, some have sore nipples, some even get cuts as a teething baby bites while feeding. The heavy breasts full of milk are painful as hell and a mother would never want to not feed the child at any given point of time. There is no end to different situations of every feeding mother. And there she is still feeding that hungry child as this is what her breasts are made for- no option but to do it. And a smiling feeding mother is sure a strong one doing her duty well along with showering her love to her baby.

The child grows up a little and the mother carries the child for hours if you total up how much time she is picking him/her up. A mother carries her child till he/she turns around 15kgs or even more. She even moves furniture while cleaning the house. She works the whole day and sleeps the last after finishing all the work for everyone in the house. She falls sick but still keeps working. I think now we need to look at women around us and see for examples in them as to how powerful they are.

I want us to drive away this false notion that females are delicate and feeble physically. They are beautiful and tough creations of Nature. We need us and our next generation to believe in the power of a human being and not solely man or woman. A very beautiful quote says ” If one sex was stronger than the other, only one would have survived” . It sums up everything about males and females being equally strong.

Please stop making girls believe that they are not equal to boys. Don’t feed such seeds that actually make her weak. There is nothing as a weak woman and a strong woman, its who you raise and how you raise as a person. We should cease to raise physically weak girls. Every girl has the power to give a punch in the face, you just need to make her believe that. We are all PowerPuff girls!! Cheers to us!!

Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby

If we all could “Sleep Like A Baby” 

“I think he is sleepy Somya, make him sleep”, called out my mum-in-law as he started crying out loud. I ran from inside leaving the work I was doing, “Yes Mumma”, I cried. I picked him up, fed him and carried him in my arms walking around the house to make him sleep. Yes, he was sleepy and before I could cover the whole house, he slept. I whispered to mom, “He is asleep, tell everyone not to talk too loudly.

“As I was about to make him lie down in his cot, Mumma called with a voice that would lie between a whisper and normal tone, “Don’t make him lie with his head in this direction, it is not good according to Vaastu I obeyed and she changed the position of his little pillow. She went back to her work. Again as I was about to make him lie down, I heard Dad telling me not to make him sleep with his face towards the window as he will not be able to sleep properly with light coming on his face directly. I told him what Mumma told me so he said something in his mouth that was not audible but I could make out that it was a statement made in disagreement. He pulled the curtains and told me to put him down as I was told to. I went back to complete the chores.

I came out to check on the baby and Mumma was talking to herself in an irritating tone, “Who pulled the curtains? The baby is sleeping and you block all the light and cool breeze. The baby sleeps well in fresh environment.” And she opened the curtains.

Dad took a glance from his computer screen to check on the baby and found the curtains open. He asked who did that and I told him Mom did and said it is good to have the curtains open. He again closed the curtains. I will leave the expression on my face to your imagination.

He went to Mom and told her that it is very disturbing when the light falls on the face while sleeping. “You are the only one who finds that disturbing and close all the curtains in the house. Why do we even have the windows then”, zap came the reply. And a small fight started and again the curtains were opened. I was sitting there looking at them doing my work. I looked at my angel and there he was, sleeping peacefully.

Now my husband came out, took one of my dupattas and covered the baby completely with only his face visible, telling me, “He might feel cold under the fan”. Dad got up again from his chair and took off the dupatta from his head and told me,” He is sweating so much and you people cover him completely.” I nodded my head again.

Dad then thought of a way to prevent the light to fall on my babys face without pulling the curtains. He caught hold of a towel and tied it to his cot in a manner that the baby’s face was under its shadow. Then he gave a satisfied smile to me and went back to his chair and I smiled back. Again, Mumma came and saw the fan on a fairly high speed and nothing covering the baby’s head so she asked me not to keep the fan so fast and always cover the baby’s head as it is very delicate and I nodded again losing my decision-making sense and judgment by now. I wanted to laugh at all this but decided to remain silent.

This happens almost every day in my home with different issues. It is hilarious as well as sweet because everyone loves this little munchkin and wants the best for him. Still there is difference in opinions. There is no wrong or right when love is showered, just the way there is no rule-book to grow up a baby.

I finished my work and went to my bunny baby. I kissed him and wished that he never loses on his sleep ever. There was so much chaos around him. This child didn’t even know that people were fighting over him and he was enjoying the most peaceful sleep ever. If only we could sleep like a baby without having to worry or think about anything during sleep time.

My sweet little baby sleeps for a good amount of time if fed properly and this sleep makes him a happy and active baby. 🙂

I wish even parents could “Sleep like a Baby”.

Posted in #fiction, life/love, Short Stories

While waiting at the Dinner Table

As she waited for her son to come back and have dinner with her, she realized that the college was supposed to be closed today. He said that he will be a little late as he will go out for coffee with friends after college. Why would he lie to her about going to college, this was the first time such thing happened. She got a little worried and thought about it a lot. They both shared an amazing relation since his childhood. He shared everything with her. She lost her husband after two days her son turned 11. They both have been each other’s support since then. She had very little to talk about but was always eager to listen to her son’s talks. She was a very loving and liberal mom.

“Maybe he has a girlfriend now and he doesn’t want to share this with me. They might have gone for a date”, she thought to herself. “But why would he lie to me about such a thing, I have never stopped him from doing anything.”

“Or maybe he has started doing something wrong that he is afraid to tell me,” she thought out loud with sweat dripping from her forehead with fear.

“Maybe he has his own new world now and I am not an important part of it. Maybe that is why he didn’t bother to tell me anything today.” Her mind was taking her to new levels.

“Maybe..” And the door bell rang. Her son entered and greeted her with a big smile but what she was thinking stopped her from smiling.

“What happened Maa?” he asked.

“The college was closed today. Why did you lied to me that you are going to attend your lectures?” She said controlling the lump in her throat as the last thought was still lingering in her mind.

“Oh that! Don’t worry about it. I will tell you when the time comes.” He said while moving towards his room.

This reply shattered her. Her fears were coming to life.

He asked his mom to sit at the dining table and he will join her after changing. She sat there with so much going in her mind. Every minute a new thing came to her and she tried convincing herself to be practical now and her son will not be hers for life. She was very scared as she didn’t want to be lonely. As she thought to herself half an  hour slipped like sand.

He came out of the room singing,”Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday To Dear Maa, Happy Birthday To You,” and he handed her a small box with a ribbon as the clock struck 12.

“You wanted to know why I lied. I lied because I wanted to get this gift for you and I needed time for it as it had to be special like you.” He said.

She couldn’t believe her eyes as she herself forgot her birthday that she remembered till last afternoon.

He gave her a tight hug but she was engulfed with guilt of overthinking and doubting her son but this was soon taken over by immense love for him.

They sat together, opened the gift, had cake and dinner. Talked for hours and he slept in her lap like he did as a child. Then the mother-son love was sealed with a kiss on his forehead.

Maybe

Posted in #fiction, life/love, Short Stories

She Chose To Be A Mom, To Know A Mother

It was 7 in the morning Trisha went for a Sunday walk like always as it was the only day she could take out time for herself from the busy week she always had. She was enjoying the peace and serenity of the morning breeze, sipping water sitting on a bench by the beach, when she noticed something. She saw a little girl fumbling with a bush some feet away, as if she was hiding something. She must be around 5 years old with a dark complexion. The girl wore a dress that a daughter of a rich man would have worn on her birthday party, now abandoned and covered in grime and dirt. Her hair lost the black color from some parts and had hues of dirty brown and golden . She was not wearing anything in her feet, Trisha noticed. The little girl might not have had a bath since a few days. But what was it she was hiding!! Trisha decided not to disturb her and continued her walk. She went home and thought about that little girl and realized that she had seen her earlier also during her Sunday walks.

Sunday ended and her routine week started. Trisha was a 25 year old girl who was staying alone in a rented 1 bhk flat. She didn’t have her parents as they died when she was 6. Since then her relatives took care of her. She left their house when she turned 19, to work. They never called her back so she never looked back. Her experience with them was not good so she was happy alone. She earned enough to sustain herself.

Another Sunday came and she went for her walk, this time her eyes searching for that little girl. She couldn’t find her but as soon as she was about to leave that girl came running and again started hiding something on the same spot.

This continued for many Sundays until one day Trisha decided to talk to her. She approached her while the girl was digging the ground and said “Hi”. The girl got frightened and she ran away. Unwillingly Trisha started digging the spot because of her curiosity. There she found some coins and notes, she put the soil back as it was and left. She eagerly waited for another Sunday. Now it was more than just a walk for her. She spotted the girl sitting alone under a tree and sat beside her.

“Please don’t run away. I want to talk to you. Don’t be scared”.

The girl felt comfortable looking at a smiling face at her. Trisha asked her few questions to know her better and got answers in a timid voice.

She said her name was Kaali as everyone around her called her that because of her complexion. Some people also called her Chhoti and some Munni. Trisha asked ” What is the name your father and mother gave you?”

Snap came the reply, “I don’t have father and mother.” Trisha fell silent and could see her own self in that little girl. She promised to meet her every Sunday at the same place and spend time with her.

She worked the whole week and dedicated her Sundays to Kaali. Actually Trisha preferred calling her Munni. Now Trisha and Munni, both had a meaning to their Sundays.

One day Trisha thought of taking her home for lunch. She asked her to stay for the night as it was very hot outside. She took good care of her. Few times Munni came t her place but one day she left few coins and notes at Trisha’s table before leaving in the morning. The next time Trisha asked her the reason to leave the money. Munni said in a very mature tone,”That big fat kaka who sits at the signal always says – nobody in this world does anything for free and everyone wants money. You fed me, made me sleep under a fan so I kept money for it”. Trisha was dumbstruck at this reply. This little innocent soul has understood this world at an age where children don’t even know what money is.

Trisha asked her, “Do you like being with me?” Munni gave her a big smile and nodded as a Yes.

“Will you stay with me forever?” Munni didn’t understand that. Trisha re-framed her question. “Can I be your mother and you be my daughter and we stay together?” Munni got puzzled as didn’t know how could her didi be her mother.

Trisha said “You can stay here and you do not have to give me money for it. You do not have to sleep on the roads or hide your money and listen to kids calling you Kaali”. Munni was thrilled hearing this and hugged her tight.

A Mother was being born in a girl who never knew what a mother is like.

Trisha didn’t think about the expenses or the so-called society or the legal aspects before taking this decision. It just came from her heart.

She wanted a daughter who could make her meet the mother she never had. She wanted to be a mother the little girl never had.

They were a perfect match for each other. Trisha that day gave her a new name, Disha(meaning Direction). As she was the new direction of her not so meaningful life. A mother-daughter relationship sprouted out of nowhere.

She had a word with her lawyer friend about Disha and asked for the formalities she would have to fulfil to adopt her. She was told it is not at all an easy task for an unmarried girl to adopt a child when she only earns enough for herself. But Trisha was determined to be a mom. She wanted to share her life journey with Disha.

She looked for another high paying job. Worked harder. She took a very good care of the girl as she was the purpose of her life now. She could do anything and everything for her. That is what mothers do!  She was experiencing her mother in herself now.

After four years of working hard and fighting to for her daughter she was granted the permission to adopt her. That was the best day for both of them.They went out on a date and Trisha said, ” People think today you became my daughter but I became your mother the day you hugged me. I didn’t give birth to you but you gave birth to a mother in me. I love you baby.”

“I love you too Mumma”. And she gave Trisha a big hug.

Shared Journeys

Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby

Somya, I would not like to miss you anymore… Let’s end this here! 

“Aaarrrggghhh!! Why on the earth would you not sleep? I’ve been carrying you for an hour now. My back hurts!” I said to my seven-month old baby around a month back. This was the first time when I got frustrated because of him and said something like that as he tried to jump down from my arms for the fourth time,  though he felt so sleepy that he cried at the top of his voice to sleep. “You need to sleep if you are sleepy and not cry throwing things.”  

My baby had changed from being a very quiet child to being a little naughty. I never realized this transition would come so fast. Having a very comfortable time with him for the first six months made me used to it and a sudden change scared me. He had started crawling as well so it was impossible to stop him from having fun of his own kind.

Now a little flashback- I got married early and had my munchkin at an early age of 25(according to me, everyone has their own opinion). I have been a girl with travel dreams and fun goals. I was a little scared for losing myself after becoming a mother but it all seemed good till then. I lost sleep during nights initially, it was still fine. At least I got time during day to do my stuff while he was in deep sleep for two hours or so. But with time his sleep reduced and naughtiness shot up. This was the time when I started missing my older self. I didn’t get time to write or read books or even go out. It became difficult even to go to the washroom as he could not be left unattended even for a second. Now the frustration started building up. I love him to the moon and back but I NEEDED MY TIME TOO. He would just pick up anything and got hurt so many times in a day that it became difficult to keep him at one place.  I started feeling low and depressed. I would lose my temper at very small issues and pick up a fight with anyone in the house. I started feeling trapped. I felt as a bad mother and also wanted my earlier life back but also wanted my baby to be with me. I longed for the times I spent with my husband during long drives without having to worry about anything, partying and coming home late. Everything came as a flashback and I was neither living in my past nor in my present. I was just holding back the memories to feel bad. I had mood swings to the fullest. I played with my baby so much, he laughed a lot with me and I used to fall in love with him all over again. But sometimes when I had something in my mind to finish, I really wanted him to just sit and play or sleep or wanted someone to be home to take care of him for sometime. This continued and neither I nor anyone else could understand the reason for such a behavior. Few days back I happened to come across a talk with parents of a child with Autism. Question put up was don’t you feel trapped sometimes, like you cannot go out or cannot live your social life like before. The reply came “Yes, we did earlier but then things changed and we accepted our child and our life in a beautiful way. We love spending time with her and never knew it could be so much more fun than going partying or clubbing. Our child keeps us strong.” This statement pinched me somewhere inside very badly. A sense of guilt engulfed me immediately and I had tears in my eyes. And I wrote a letter to myself.

 

Dear Somya,

I want to forget you. You were an awesome part of my life and I have loads of memories etched in my heart with you but now I need to move on. I was holding you so tightly that it was stopping me to live my present with my beautiful sweetheart. I want to let you go. I have accepted that my life has changed and it has only changed and not ended. It is my responsibility to make it exciting. I have a new member in my life and I want to create new memories with him. I love him a lot and will not let you obstruct my love for him. I am so blessed to have a healthy child, I forgot to count my blessings. My kid will do thousands of things that might annoy me but I don’t want any kind of frustration to take over the smile I might have even while scolding him. You know I would hate shouting at my baby. I behaved that way not because my child did some mischief but because I was burdening myself with time that cannot come back. My life has taken a new turn and I have to turn with it and cannot be stuck at the same place forever. Now I realize what being a mother is. Doing all kind of stuff for a baby who is just lying on bed wasn’t motherhood, anyone can do that. Now when my boy has started responding, exploring and reaching out to things and feelings, the work of a mother starts. Today I am a mother who wants to make up for the time she remained in herself though being with a family. Thank you for making life goals for me, I will now fulfill them with my family. I am no more an independent girl with no responsibilities, I have a kid who will be looking for a hero in me. And I want to be a strong girl for him who knows how to handle herself and her emotions. Yes I will be taking out time for myself too but not at the cost of my family. Goodbye, you’ll always remain in the pictures and some conversations with old friends and my hubby. But I will not miss you anymore..let’s end it here itself. Love you.

Yours loving,

A New Somya

A single sentence by some random people ended my frustration of two months. I am happy it was just that long and not more. I feel so much better now with no past baggage on my mind. It’s a fresh start to my already wonderful life. I’ll keep finding time to write, to find myself and express myself. It lightens me and keeps me in touch with my feelings as I am someone who can only express on paper and not in my words.

– Somya Singh Pancholi

 

Posted in #fiction, life/love, Short Stories

The Day He Came Home Drunk!!

Rashi was waiting for Rachit’s phone call  as he always calls as soon as he leaves from office everyday without fail. Her eyes were constantly stopping at the wall clock while she was feeding her baby. Maybe he is stuck in some work and had to extend, she thought to herself. Singing to her child she put her to sleep and the phone rang. It was Rachit, he said, ” You and Ridhi be ready I’ll reach home in another half an hour, few of my college friends are catching up tonight. Rashi told him that their daughter, Ridhi was not feeling well and she slept so she won’t be able to accompany him. Rachit said, “Oh! then i’ll come home I’ll meet them some other time.” Rashi tried to convince him to go as it has been a long time since he met them and more than that he needed a break from all the stress at office. After sometime Rachit agreed. He came home, changed, hugged and kissed Rashi and Ridhi and left saying “I love you”.

He looked happy, Rashi smiled thinking it would be great if he gets some time with his friends without family as everyone needs to have a little break from family too and talk stuff apart from usual household topics and future planning.

She made herself dinner and watched television. She never disturbs Rachit when he is out with his friends as she herself doesn’t like to attend phone calls when she is out to have fun. Four hours passed and it was getting very late so she decided to give him a call just to be sure if he is fine and to know when he is coming back as she was feeling sleepy.He told her that he’ll be there in 15 minutes. She hung up saying “I’ll be waiting dear”.

Her eyes visited the clock again and again, an hour had already passed. Maybe goodbyes took a little longer, happens with friends, she thought. She finished all the petty chores she was left with. Bell rang, she jumped out of bed happily to open the door. As she opened the door her eyes didn’t believe what they just saw and spontaneously held Rachit’s arm. Rachit was drunk. It wasn’t like he never drank, he was an occasional and moderate drinker but never came home like that. She made him sit and took his belongings to keep on the table. Rachit rushed to the washroom to puke. He was feeling sick. Rashi maintained her calm and helped him with all the mess then made him lie on the bed. The first thing Rachit said was “I am Sorry Rashi” and he kept it saying again and again. She was very upset with this act of his but cooled herself as it was not the time to show her anger and decided to do it in morning when he would be in his sober mind. As she sat with him on the bed and put her hand on his forehead with love he said “Sorry” again. Rashi was puzzled now and asked him what was he sorry for. He started speaking his mind in his drunk weak voice “Sorry Jaan, I should not have drunk so much”. “Hmmm” came the reply. “I am sorry for putting you to work again now to take care of me after whole day of your work”. Rashi didn’t reply this time. She asked “then why did you drink so much?”

“I actually didn’t want to drink to this level and you also know I never do but I was feeling so frustrated from inside that I didn’t know when did I gulped all of it while talking to my friends. I became a coward to come out of there and face the routine life again and wanted to seize the time.” Rashi was surprised by the use of word “Frustrated”. She just kept listening as he poured his heart out that he might forget the next morning.

“I am very stressed out and feel suffocated and please don’t feel it is because of you or Ridhi, it’s the Life. You know how easy-going and relaxed I was, right? Friends, movies, buying every gadget that was launched in the market, travelling, thinking freely”, said his trembling drunk voice. “Now I feel life has changed too fast that I didn’t get time to change myself with it and it suffocates me when I have to plan every expense and think about future. You don’t take it to your heart sweetheart it’s not you but life that is troubling me. I love you and Ridhi to pieces.”

Rashi kept listening to his feelings that were coming out as words that she had never heard. Her eyes glued to his and tears in her eyes. She knew that he might even forget whatever he was saying that time, still she chose to let him talk as these feelings have never come out like this and were always hidden behind that charming smile she fell in love with every single day. Her anger evaporated and her sleep escaped somewhere in that thoughtful environment. Tons of thoughts took it’s place. He spoke for nearly half an hour all that was buckled up inside him about his expectations, office, wish to travel the world with her,wanting to have a collection of watches and gadgets, and a lot more that would not have ever come out if he was in his senses as he has never let sadness come on Rashi’s face and didn’t want to by telling all this. Rashi had already thought of talking to him about the drinking part that disturbed her a lot in the morning but she never knew she would get to see a new Rachit behind this drunk honest chap. As he dozed off saying sorry again Rashi was lost in a pool of thoughts.

She always thought her life changed after marriage and baby but this never even occurred to her that his husband’s life has also changed drastically. He now has responsibilities on him that he can never afford to forget before doing anything. She could see herself taking care of him, making him dinner,telling him what new Ridhi did, but then complaining about the everyday chores, the maid, the neighbors, how she could not sleep as the baby kept her occupied, etc, and she could see her husband coming home and kissing on her forehead with a smile, looking for Ridhi to play with her, just saying “I’m a little tired”, never talking about how they were torturing him at the office, he just could not tell all this as he knew Rashi only has him to talk to after the whole day and he could never see her upset or in tension after telling about how he spent all day and night. He wanted to be the best husband and best father and trying to make that happen he was somewhere losing himself. He was pressurized by the society, responsibilities, his love for his wife and daughter and FUTURE. He was becoming another man running in this race of life in contrary to the fun loving guy who managed himself well with a very less salary also, who enjoyed everything without even being a miser, who lived at life as “Today is the day to live, stop thinking about tomorrow”.

Rashi felt a little guilty though she was not sure why. She wanted to see the Rachit she knew earlier. She didn’t know what to do. She kept awake thinking for a solution but with no success. The rays of sun peeped through her curtains and another same day began with the cry of her baby….

Posted in life/love, Uncategorized

Eyes Towards The Sky

I don’t know how many of you like to just stare at the sky and think about what all you want in life or what has passed or maybe whatever that is happening in your life. I do. I love to watch the sky full of stars(that is really rare these days because of pollution) but light dusting of clouds also does the wonder. Our mind just wanders from past to present to future, never stops. Happens with everyone, I am not an exception and neither are you. Today as I looked up I could feel my dreams flying that I may have let loose without even realizing when. There were lots of them. I smiled looking at them but a sudden thought struck and paused that smiling moment. The thought was “why are they up there and not a part of me”. My flying dreams just touched my eyes and gave me a smile on my face, just imagine the satisfaction and peace and smiles each day if they become a part of me. Since childhood I nurtured those dreams, they evolved as I grew and they grew in number as I evolved. There is a relation that I share with my “Dreams Of Life”, they were my priority as I grew up. Then why did I let them part from myself? A question that I was asking myself and simultaneously finding the answers in that same sky where my dreams are waiting to be mine. There must be millions and zillions of dreams floating in this infinite sky. Today I saw mine but maybe many people just forgot about them and those dreams are abandoned without or with realization of being fulfilled. I don’t know about others but I want to catch my dreams back and make them a part of my life again. This life full of petty works and duties to be fulfilled make us forget our very thoughts and aspirations that made us grow up into beings that we are now. But each moment is the right time to realize where we are heading to and whether we need to change our path or continue the same one. I realized that I need to change mine and make my “Life be my fulfilled Dream”. And blogging is the first step towards it. Life changes for everyone, you have to decide how much you should change with it for being at a level of happiness and joy. Its your life and nobody else but you can decide to live it the way you always dreamt of.

Catch your Dreams before they disappear into the infinite. 

Posted in #fiction, life/love

Not Just Another Day

She asked him to come home early like always, he smiled, kissed her forehead and left for work.

Its a special day today and not just another day that passes just like sand in the hand. She wants this day to pass slowly so she can make it more special for him.

She cleans the house singing along, she hates doing dishes but did them dancing along the tune she hummed. Kept white lilies besides his chair. She made her home feel fresh as the morning dew.

The clock struck six and she ran inside to change and dress up for her man.

Beautiful dress that kissed the floor with flowers blossoming all over her body. Open hair with loose curls, pretty red lipstick on her full lips like petals of a youthful rose. A hint of fragrance to tease his senses. She was all ready to welcome him home.

Doorbell rang. A smile ran on her face showing her not-so-perfect teeth. She opened the door and he just stood in amazement. She looked exactly the same when he asked her to marry him. All he could do was smile and kiss her with all the love that was gushing through his body that moment. Then she made him a coffee as he liked- strong, black, with one sugar cube.

That kiss left a mild smile on her face as this was the revival of the love she thought was fading through the years. Her beauty made him realize maybe he didn’t notice her for quite sometime.

The air smelled of lilies and her perfume that had caught his attention again after all these years. She was wearing the pearl necklace he gifted her with his first saving. Every effort she made was being noticed .

He played soft music and grabbed her by her waist and they both laughed and danced like never before.

He kissed her hand and made her sit, poured wine in glasses and they proposed a toast in honor of their togetherness of Fifty Years. They both smiled with wrinkled faces that showed the divine carving of time. Their love and care kept them together and everything felt fresh as fifty years ago when they were just innocent little faces.

The evening embraced this young couple with a light drizzle that brought another bunch of memories with it. And they just sat all night holding hands living all the moments they thought were long lost.