Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby, Sunday Moods, Uncategorized

#MyDailyChallenges2017- Beginning of My NEW YEAR

2016 just went like whoosh!! Most of the people have been saying it and there are many who say that this year was not a good one.

I was going through my Facebook news-feed and there are a lot of memes on 2016 as it is about to end. People were not quite happy with this year. Doesn’t this happen every year?

I want to be on the side where at the end of 2017 I would say this year I did new things and there were good moments that made me learn and made me happy.

Here is the plan-

I don’t want to wait for 2017 to treat me like a princess. I want to create moments that will be remembered with a smile.

I will be spending my first month of the year doing things that I will call as challenges. One challenge a day. These will be things that I have forgotten or I am scared to do or things that I should do to step out of my “everyday mum-life bubble”. I want to start this new year with fun and learning. I want to make a conscious effort in January 2017 to take a step out of my comfort zone and live those 30 days in a way that every night when I sleep I should be satisfied that I am a step ahead than I was the day before.

I want you all to join me in this journey and follow me everyday from January 1, 2017 on

Instagram

Twitter

It would be fun if you also take up challenges and post pictures with hashtag #MyDailyChallenges2017 . It is not necessary to do it for 30 days. You can choose to do it for a day, a week, five days or whatever you wish for 🙂 That’s the best part- you chose what you want to learn or which fear you want to overcome. You can repeat my challenges or create your own. It would be more interesting if you suggest some challenges in the comments below. Inspire more women to try something new this year. Let’s start this year with excitement and let’s connect over it.

Just take out time from your busy routine to do one thing in a day that will create memories for you 🙂

Let’s take up the challenges Ladies!! Wish You a Happy New Year 🙂

P.S- This initiative is purely mine and not connected to any organization.

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People say children are the purest of souls. I guess that is why they find another pure soul so easily.

My one year old says “Hi” and “Bye” to every animal he meets on his way but studies and observes a human first, before greeting or saying “Bye”, that too when told to do so.

Understanding of a child is better than us, adults.

 

#AnimalsOverHumans #PureSouls

Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby, Uncategorized

#TrueStory -Are you Killing Your Child’s Self Confidence? Realize It Before It’s Too Late

This incident happened today evening in front of me when I took my child to play in the kids’ park and it disheartened me.

I am using the actual dialogues in Hindi, translated in English later, so you can imagine the tone this lady was talking in.

I take my child to play every evening in a park which has many slides, swings and see-saws. He loves to run around and slide. He is still learning to maintain his balance on the swings and hold himself firmly. He pointed towards the swing and made sounds to make me understand. I took him there and was waiting for our turn. On one swing was a little girl swinging very happily and she was around the same age as my son. On the other swing was a mother holding a school bag on her shoulder, helping her daughter sit on the swing who was in her school uniform. I saw her trying again and again but the girl was not able to sit, she slipped. The girl must be around 8 years old. I went to her and offered some help. I held the swing tightly with one hand with my son in the other arm so it doesn’t move for the girl to sit comfortably. She still couldn’t sit. I understood from the little girl’s expression that the girl might not have used such a swing earlier so she couldn’t figure out how to sit on such a small surface that had no back-rest to it. Her mother said, “Sit the way you sit on a chair by folding you legs a little.” The girl tried, but still couldn’t sit. This continued for good 5-7 minutes.

Suddenly her mother started getting irritated by this and cried at her, “Ye dekh itni chhoti si bachchi baith sakti hai side wale jhule pe tujhse nai baitha ja ra?! ( Look this little girl beside you, she is sitting so comfortably and you are not able to sit on this swing!)”  The little girl felt a little ashamed. She looked down and refused to sit on the swing then. I didn’t like what happened there so I asked the little girl politely to try again and said, “Aap kar loge, itna pareshan nai ho, apko ispe jhulna hai na toh baithna bhi seelkh jaoge. (You can do it, don’t stress over it, you want to swing on this so you will eventually learn to sit on it too.)”  Her mother and I tried again to make her sit. Again she couldn’t sit. While helping her child the mother started getting angry on her for not being able to sit on a swing. She started blabbering words to her. The little girl by now was feeling ashamed of herself for not being able to do such a simple thing. I could also see the fear of her mother in her eyes.

I could notice the lump in her throat, also the tears that her eyes were holding back so strongly. Before she could cry I said,” Arre aise kyu chhod diya apne, sab kuch ek baar mein thode hi seekh jata hai koi, dhire dhire try karoge toh seekh jaoge, chalo hum firse try karenge.( Why did you stop trying? Nobody learns everything in one go, you will learn it slowly, it’s OK, let’s try again.)”  And her mother didn’t leave another chance to make her feel worse about it. She called another girl, little younger to her daughter and told her to show how to sit. That girl who must be using that slide everyday jumped on it within a fraction of second. The lady started again, “Dekha kitna asaan hai ye, aur terese ho nai ra hai, ab tu bolna mat mujhe garden leke chalne ko, ek jhule pe toh baitha nai ja ra hai tujhse! (See how easy it is and you are not able to do it. Now don’t ask me to get you here in the garden, you cant even sit on a simple swing!)” And the tears couldn’t be held any longer. The little girl started crying. Trust me it was not a normal crying like generally children do. I know this because at few events in my life I have done the same as a child( my parents never did what this lady was doing but there were other reasons for it). I could see myself in her. I could understand that child by her tears as once I was like her- shy, no self-confidence, ashamed of making my parents feel embarrassed because of me and such low esteem stuff. I saw anger for herself in her eyes and face. I know what she was thinking. She was really cursing herself for not doing such an easy task. Her hands froze but eyes still wet and teary, she went away from her mother and kept crying loudly. I ran after her with my baby in my arms, but her mother stood there.

I was trying to calm the girl but she was not ready to come to me as well as she was shamed in front of me too and I was a stranger for her who might also be thinking her as a loser. I asked her to stop crying as it was perfectly fine to not be able to do a thing at once. I told her it’s fine if she doesn’t want to swing now, nobody will ask her to. I asked her to come to me as I wanted to hug her and tell her that she is still a very smart girl and she will learn sitting on that swing if she wanted to. She ran to her mother and the lady pulled her towards the swing. ” Ab bol tu mujhe roz yahan aane ko, garden jana hai garden jana hai karti rehti hai roz, le ayi tujhe yahan, ek jhule pe nai baith sakti tu. Ruk tu ghar chal fir batati hun. Baith na ab ispe…baith…ab kyu nai baith rahi??( Now you dare ask me to come here again. Everyday you irritate me to take you to this garden, I got you here today and you can’t even sit on this swing. Wait and watch after we reach home. Sit on it now…why don’t you sit now…huh??)” This was a shocker to me!! She actually pulled her daughter while saying all this and forcefully started throwing her on the swing to sit. I immediately stopped her. I told her this is not the way to talk to your child and this is nothing to get so angry at, she will learn it. The lady didn’t reply and pulled her daughter to come home with her and again kept mumbling sentences that couldn’t be heard but expressions told that it all continued. The lady kept walking ahead and the poor little girl kept crying loudly running after the mother.

This disturbed me so much. I don’t know what that lady would have after they reached home- would she hit her?? or not talk to her till the girl cries and begs her to talk to her?? or not serve her food?? or tell this to her father who might be worse that the mother??

Maybe I was overthinking and that incident might have ended there itself. I am not the kind of person who would judge anyone by just one act of a person so I don’t know whether that lady was already in a bad mood so reacted this way or maybe she is really what she showed there. Whatever it was I can only conclude one thing from it – IT WAS WRONG!!

First of all the lady made the girl feel ashamed by comparing her to a one year old baby girl who was swinging beside her. Like really!! You just can’t compare anyone in this world on any basis! No one even has same type and same caliber people in one home then how can one compare two different kids who live in different backgrounds!! Parents don’t have their children like them then how can a child be like another child.

If a child is not able to do something that you and others consider as “simple” doesn’t mean it is actually simple for that child. You don’t know the struggles in a child’s head who is judged by his/her own parents everyday.

If any one of you does such a thing(even if not to this extent or even once in a while without realizing) , Please stop it. I know such things are very common in many homes and parents shout at kids for every small thing and keep them scared always but think about that baby you held for the first time, its the same one you are talking to now. Kids are delicate and they need to be handled with lots of love and care.

Children are not our property but we are just there to nurture them and protect them and not control their lives to such an extent that the child feels suffocated. Realize this now, before your child loses his/her self-confidence completely.

Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby, Uncategorized

Dilemma Of Priorities

As I sit to write this article there is one thought that is crossing my mind again and again- “Should I use this time to sleep instead?”

This is when my baby is asleep. There is a whole list of things to be done after the baby is sleeping but what should I do first??

I guess every mom goes through this dilemma.

Should I do the dishes first? (But what if the baby wakes up from the noise! But it is necessary to do them first! No I cant afford to wake him up now…let me take it up last.)

Should I clean my room? (Yes I can do that. But that can be done when he is awake as well so why waste this precious time on it.)

I had to clean my bookshelf. (It hasn’t been cleaned for few days now. Yes lets do that first! 🙂 Hmm…but think of other work too what if I am missing out on something more important!)

I have to put the clothes out for drying. ( Yes that’s what I’ll do first.)

Now what??

Should I just relax today and not do anything! ( I am working all the time I need my time too)

Or should I finish the book I started 10 days back but didn’t get time to finish? (But you have the house lying as a mess how can you think of reading a book right now!……But I need my ME time..)

Just sleep and don’t do anything!! As I am becoming more cranky than my baby because of less sleep. ( I am sleep deprived dear…I should sleep even for half an hour….but sleeping for only half an hour will make my head heavy!!)

And I chose to write about my mind-fight instead of doing any of the work.

I guess I should go back to prioritizing my stuff before the little ninja wakes up.

Wish you more happy moments of a sleeping baby to all Moms 😛

Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby

If we all could “Sleep Like A Baby” 

“I think he is sleepy Somya, make him sleep”, called out my mum-in-law as he started crying out loud. I ran from inside leaving the work I was doing, “Yes Mumma”, I cried. I picked him up, fed him and carried him in my arms walking around the house to make him sleep. Yes, he was sleepy and before I could cover the whole house, he slept. I whispered to mom, “He is asleep, tell everyone not to talk too loudly.

“As I was about to make him lie down in his cot, Mumma called with a voice that would lie between a whisper and normal tone, “Don’t make him lie with his head in this direction, it is not good according to Vaastu I obeyed and she changed the position of his little pillow. She went back to her work. Again as I was about to make him lie down, I heard Dad telling me not to make him sleep with his face towards the window as he will not be able to sleep properly with light coming on his face directly. I told him what Mumma told me so he said something in his mouth that was not audible but I could make out that it was a statement made in disagreement. He pulled the curtains and told me to put him down as I was told to. I went back to complete the chores.

I came out to check on the baby and Mumma was talking to herself in an irritating tone, “Who pulled the curtains? The baby is sleeping and you block all the light and cool breeze. The baby sleeps well in fresh environment.” And she opened the curtains.

Dad took a glance from his computer screen to check on the baby and found the curtains open. He asked who did that and I told him Mom did and said it is good to have the curtains open. He again closed the curtains. I will leave the expression on my face to your imagination.

He went to Mom and told her that it is very disturbing when the light falls on the face while sleeping. “You are the only one who finds that disturbing and close all the curtains in the house. Why do we even have the windows then”, zap came the reply. And a small fight started and again the curtains were opened. I was sitting there looking at them doing my work. I looked at my angel and there he was, sleeping peacefully.

Now my husband came out, took one of my dupattas and covered the baby completely with only his face visible, telling me, “He might feel cold under the fan”. Dad got up again from his chair and took off the dupatta from his head and told me,” He is sweating so much and you people cover him completely.” I nodded my head again.

Dad then thought of a way to prevent the light to fall on my babys face without pulling the curtains. He caught hold of a towel and tied it to his cot in a manner that the baby’s face was under its shadow. Then he gave a satisfied smile to me and went back to his chair and I smiled back. Again, Mumma came and saw the fan on a fairly high speed and nothing covering the baby’s head so she asked me not to keep the fan so fast and always cover the baby’s head as it is very delicate and I nodded again losing my decision-making sense and judgment by now. I wanted to laugh at all this but decided to remain silent.

This happens almost every day in my home with different issues. It is hilarious as well as sweet because everyone loves this little munchkin and wants the best for him. Still there is difference in opinions. There is no wrong or right when love is showered, just the way there is no rule-book to grow up a baby.

I finished my work and went to my bunny baby. I kissed him and wished that he never loses on his sleep ever. There was so much chaos around him. This child didn’t even know that people were fighting over him and he was enjoying the most peaceful sleep ever. If only we could sleep like a baby without having to worry or think about anything during sleep time.

My sweet little baby sleeps for a good amount of time if fed properly and this sleep makes him a happy and active baby. 🙂

I wish even parents could “Sleep like a Baby”.

Posted in Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby

World Breastfeeding Week 2016- Feeding in Public

You feel hungry while in public, you buy a sandwich and walk away eating. A little baby who can’t even express feels hungry when in public, somehow lets his/her mother know that he/she is hungry. The mother sits on a bench and starts breastfeeding the baby and You stare!! You say she should have some shame. You give disgusting looks to a mother who is feeding her hungry baby. It is fine to eat wherever you want but there are rules for babies. Babies should not eat in public. Babies need to learn to control their hunger till they reach back home or learn to eat in a public toilet so that no one gets to have a look at their mom’s boobs. It is so tempting to look at a cleavage but disgusting and vulgar if side of a boob of a feeding mom is seen. You have double standards. Stop looking if you don’t like it but my baby will get his food whenever and wherever he wants. 

Help babies get healthy food on time by supporting breastfeeding. It is the mother and her baby’s choice to cover or not while feeding so stop judging. Try having your dinner today inside a blanket without lights. We are destroying the environment for our next generations to come, atleast give them the right environment and support to feed completely naturally for first few months of their lives. 

A humble request from a mother who has been given looks while she fed her baby in public places- Please stop making the mother uncomfortable while she is feeding her baby, it affects the child. Let these tiny human beings live peacefully and keep them away from your logics and norms of the society.

Posted in Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby

Baby’s Sensitive Skin

I was a very scared new mother as soon as I came back home from hospital with my baby, I am sure I was like many other new moms. Nothing at all should happen to the little human I gave birth to. He was my responsibility. My heart skipped a beat when anyone who visited us held him the way I would not approve of and I shouted at them in my head to leave my baby where he was but instead “Please be careful” could only escape from my mouth. My little cuddle bunny looked so beautiful and delicate every time I laid my eyes on him. My mother-in-law bathed him the next day we came home and I could just not believe how fragile his skin looked with all the small wrinkles that covered his body. I was not ready to use just any product on him how much ever good company it may be.

The day he turned four days old he developed a big mosquito-bite type of thing at the side of his elbow. At first we thought it might have been a mosquito-bite but it didn’t disappear at all for days, instead it increased. And the scared and worried mom jumped up in me to act. I didn’t know what to avoid as he had such a sensitive skin. Eventually it faded away after two weeks of visit to a doctor. What it left in my mind was how harsh is our environment for our little ones who came out of such nourished and protective homes.
Rashes being the most common problem among babies can range from mild to severe results. I was very apprehensive at first to make my child wear diapers for the first three months except when I had to take him out. I was ready to wash around 50 cloth nappies but I had this image of rashes in my mind as soon as I thought of diapers. After pooping the whole day even in cloth nappies he developed mild rashes so making him wear diapers was a big no for me. After three months I started diapers during night only. And yes he started getting rashes that were so bad that he cried at the top of his voice when I cleaned after he pooped. It is so difficult to take care of the most beautiful and sensitive thing in this world, that is a baby’s skin.
You just cannot avoid such issues that occur as their skin is ultra sensitive to the outside environment as anything in the air can be an irritant to their newly formed delicate skin. Here are few points that might help:
  • It is really necessary to make the kids wear very comfortable and light cotton clothes.
  • Kindly do not overdo the clothes just to make the baby look cute, even if you are going out.
  • Always wash new clothes properly before making the baby wear them as the chemicals that coat the clothes harm the baby’s ultra sensitive skin.
  • Avoid using scented products on the baby’s skin.
  • DO NOT use products made for adults. Use only baby specific products.
  • Try and keep baby’s bottom as dry as possible, wetness leads to fungal infections.
  • If you find any product causing irritating the baby’s skin Stop using it immediately and visit a doctor if severe.
  • To avoid losing skin moisture bathe the baby twice or thrice a week, other days you can give a sponge bath.
  • Never use Baby sunscreens for babies under 6 months of age.
  • Give your baby some Diaper-free time.
Posted in life/love, Moments from my Life, parenthood/baby

Somya, I would not like to miss you anymore… Let’s end this here! 

“Aaarrrggghhh!! Why on the earth would you not sleep? I’ve been carrying you for an hour now. My back hurts!” I said to my seven-month old baby around a month back. This was the first time when I got frustrated because of him and said something like that as he tried to jump down from my arms for the fourth time,  though he felt so sleepy that he cried at the top of his voice to sleep. “You need to sleep if you are sleepy and not cry throwing things.”  

My baby had changed from being a very quiet child to being a little naughty. I never realized this transition would come so fast. Having a very comfortable time with him for the first six months made me used to it and a sudden change scared me. He had started crawling as well so it was impossible to stop him from having fun of his own kind.

Now a little flashback- I got married early and had my munchkin at an early age of 25(according to me, everyone has their own opinion). I have been a girl with travel dreams and fun goals. I was a little scared for losing myself after becoming a mother but it all seemed good till then. I lost sleep during nights initially, it was still fine. At least I got time during day to do my stuff while he was in deep sleep for two hours or so. But with time his sleep reduced and naughtiness shot up. This was the time when I started missing my older self. I didn’t get time to write or read books or even go out. It became difficult even to go to the washroom as he could not be left unattended even for a second. Now the frustration started building up. I love him to the moon and back but I NEEDED MY TIME TOO. He would just pick up anything and got hurt so many times in a day that it became difficult to keep him at one place.  I started feeling low and depressed. I would lose my temper at very small issues and pick up a fight with anyone in the house. I started feeling trapped. I felt as a bad mother and also wanted my earlier life back but also wanted my baby to be with me. I longed for the times I spent with my husband during long drives without having to worry about anything, partying and coming home late. Everything came as a flashback and I was neither living in my past nor in my present. I was just holding back the memories to feel bad. I had mood swings to the fullest. I played with my baby so much, he laughed a lot with me and I used to fall in love with him all over again. But sometimes when I had something in my mind to finish, I really wanted him to just sit and play or sleep or wanted someone to be home to take care of him for sometime. This continued and neither I nor anyone else could understand the reason for such a behavior. Few days back I happened to come across a talk with parents of a child with Autism. Question put up was don’t you feel trapped sometimes, like you cannot go out or cannot live your social life like before. The reply came “Yes, we did earlier but then things changed and we accepted our child and our life in a beautiful way. We love spending time with her and never knew it could be so much more fun than going partying or clubbing. Our child keeps us strong.” This statement pinched me somewhere inside very badly. A sense of guilt engulfed me immediately and I had tears in my eyes. And I wrote a letter to myself.

 

Dear Somya,

I want to forget you. You were an awesome part of my life and I have loads of memories etched in my heart with you but now I need to move on. I was holding you so tightly that it was stopping me to live my present with my beautiful sweetheart. I want to let you go. I have accepted that my life has changed and it has only changed and not ended. It is my responsibility to make it exciting. I have a new member in my life and I want to create new memories with him. I love him a lot and will not let you obstruct my love for him. I am so blessed to have a healthy child, I forgot to count my blessings. My kid will do thousands of things that might annoy me but I don’t want any kind of frustration to take over the smile I might have even while scolding him. You know I would hate shouting at my baby. I behaved that way not because my child did some mischief but because I was burdening myself with time that cannot come back. My life has taken a new turn and I have to turn with it and cannot be stuck at the same place forever. Now I realize what being a mother is. Doing all kind of stuff for a baby who is just lying on bed wasn’t motherhood, anyone can do that. Now when my boy has started responding, exploring and reaching out to things and feelings, the work of a mother starts. Today I am a mother who wants to make up for the time she remained in herself though being with a family. Thank you for making life goals for me, I will now fulfill them with my family. I am no more an independent girl with no responsibilities, I have a kid who will be looking for a hero in me. And I want to be a strong girl for him who knows how to handle herself and her emotions. Yes I will be taking out time for myself too but not at the cost of my family. Goodbye, you’ll always remain in the pictures and some conversations with old friends and my hubby. But I will not miss you anymore..let’s end it here itself. Love you.

Yours loving,

A New Somya

A single sentence by some random people ended my frustration of two months. I am happy it was just that long and not more. I feel so much better now with no past baggage on my mind. It’s a fresh start to my already wonderful life. I’ll keep finding time to write, to find myself and express myself. It lightens me and keeps me in touch with my feelings as I am someone who can only express on paper and not in my words.

– Somya Singh Pancholi

 

Posted in Moments from my Life, Travel Diaries

A Road Full Of Stars! 

I was carrying my baby in my arms with my husband walking beside me that night. We were coming back from dinner. This place was near our guest house so we decided to walk down but didn’t realize it would be pitch black while coming back as there were no streetlights in that patch of road that could be measured in time- a 15 minutes walk. Our guest house was in between a lot a farms and patches of forest. And there I was carrying a sleeping baby and my husband holding me by my waist. The moonlight helped us see enough to know that we were walking on the road. Bushes on both sides of the road. I was scared of only one thing- no insect should attack my child as they would have been wild and poisonous. After around 3 minutes of walk I noticed something beautiful. Little lights dancing around us among the bushes. At first they were few in number but as we progressed they made the road look decorated with twinkling lights. They were the fireflies! We were amazed looking at this wonderful sight. A part of me wanted to stop and admire those dancing beauties but other part of me wanted to run away from that dark dangerous road. Nature is truly amazing and it will always surprise you when you doubt it. We walked and everything around me seemed to move in slow motion. The fireflies made that path look as if I was walking amidst the stars. Sounds of peacocks in the background. It was eerily breathtaking environment around us. Darkness all around as if the nature had wrapped us in its thick invisible  blanket. This sight full of magic made me praise those fireflies for making that walk back home a memorable one.